I am atrophying, physically and mentally. I have no one to talk to, and nothing to do. Days slip by. I spend all of my time daydreaming, or just staring at the wall. An endless battle plays out in my head, wherein my soul berates my spirit for its lack of ability to inspire change. The soul always loses; the spirit is unwilling to listen. The battle repeats itself the next day.
I lay awake at night, considering my state, and how to change it. I have ideas, and promptly dismiss them the next day, deeming them too difficult, too impossible. I am listless.
I no longer have the occasional absurd or comical dream. It is only the same type of dream, in different circumstances. I meet someone I want to get to know better. Sometimes this person is someone I already know. But in the end, they disappear, and I'm left alone again, back where I started, and unfulfilled. The dreams contribute to my inability to do anything. I simply sit and contemplate them.
This sort of inertia is crippling, and frightening. I'm stuck doing --
I've compromised my purpose in writing this, and it just took a turn for the melodramatic, so I'll end it here. I have no one to talk to. I miss those days of long conversations. It seems like everyone has abandoned me, but I know it's just that I'm unable to move forward or advance in my life. So I'm really confused, and scared. I have no idea what to do.
(It just occurred to me that I've pretty much been in this state for 5 years, but it's more pronounced now than ever, and I'm at a new low.)