I'm tired of being arrogant and dismissive.
Really tired.
I miss the old days.
The days when I could form a coherent thought.
The days when I had a reason to get up in the morning, because
those were days when there were people I'd see who mattered to me, and
they were days when I wildly overestimated the importance I had to some people.
The days when I didn't really have to think about the future, because
they were days when I didn't doubt myself for being reflective and sentimental, and
those were days when I could still idly walk forward along a selected path.
And they were days before I veered from that path due to my own folly.
The days when I wouldn't get to the verge of tears a split second after being defiant and nonchalant.
The days when I was actually glad things were the same, every day.
The days when I had conflicts that were actually surmountable, and
the days when I felt it necessary to prove to others that I could succeed, even in the smallest ways.
The days when I could go somewhere to get away from the problems at home,
and the days when those problems were just my imagination, because
those were days when I didn't have to think about them.
The days when I updated my blog, because I assumed people still remembered that I existed (are you listening?)
But those days are gone, and the saddest thing of all is that I've convinced myself that it was simply a matter of age. Somehow I've grown older but my mentality has regressed. I want to be progressive, but I can't figure out how. And there's no one I can talk to about it anymore.
Oh and in case you're wondering, there's no silver lining. But you're not wondering, because you're hypothetical. No one reads this thing.