Intellectual banter has always interested me. Whatever the reason, it's what I seem to enjoy most. Talking about things that don't actually exist, or things that exist on such a deep level that there's almost no way I could have any knowledge of the subject. But I continue to talk, because it gives me something to do. Something to do that's not improving myself in some other way that's actually lacking.
My intelligence is really the only thing I have going for me. I'm as lazy as a sloth, unorganized, undependable, unconcerned with others, cold, and, of course, hideous. It's a wonder that there are still people who manage to talk to me.
I've changed a lot in the last 8 or so years. I used to be carefree and *gasp* not fat and ugly. I think it was when I realized that I was smart enough to not do any work and still get by that I changed. School became a chore, rather than the intellectual stimulus it should have been. At the core of it all, I just don't believe with some people's teaching methods. But, of course, I still have to go to school every day, and this prospect seemed so bleak to me. Why should I go somewhere where I wouldn't have a purpose, where there was nothing for me?
Luckily, there were other people who felt the same way, but not to the degree I did. Had everyone been happy and cheerful all the time, I don't think I would have made it. (Only figuratively, of course. My outlook on life would never allow something stupid and pointless like suicide, drugs, alcohol, etc. In my opinion, they don't help at all. And they're illegal. Illegality is anti-intuitive to my continued happy existence, as well.)
But those may have just been things I was told. Drugs are bad. Alcohol is bad. But I never made the connection that junk food was bad. So, I filled the void created by schoolwork with food.
What does all this mean? It means that I've finally realized how debilitating all my faults are. And it's time I changed them.
But is it really worth it? Making a change will be incredibly difficult, and take an incredible amount of determination, something I've never given so easily. Of course, the rewards may just be in my head. Maybe nothing will change. Maybe life will be the same.
The answer is, yes. It is worth it. That chance to be a better person in general is alluring. I don't know how successful my efforts will be, but I have to try. If I don't, then I'll never be happy with myself. And chances are, no one else will be. We all need someone special in our lives... and if I don't start making changes now, I may never find that person.
But I need the help of all my friends out there. I need you to suggest things about myself that I can change. And, as I've said to someone before, be as superficial as is necessary. Anything you find wrong with me, tell me. I'll try to change it. There's a lot to do, so I should get started soon.
My ideas are: lose weight, do homework, maintain a respectable haircut, organize a bit
Notice the lack of mention of my being cold and unsocial on the list. I like those aspects.