It's time that I admit that I'm almost completely unsatisfied with my life. I won't go into detail because I don't like to. I just don't know what to do. Lots of soul-searching, all that bullshit. Basically I don't see myself going anywhere and I don't see a way out.

But it's because I'm a coward, and it's because I'm afraid... afraid of what will happen to me if I stand up for myself.

And so naturally, I ask for help.

3 comments -- Posted at 3:27:00 AM

I'll blog soon. But I can never seem to get what little of a life I have in order for it.

A month later, and only two semi-substantial posts. Oh well.

0 comments -- Posted at 6:39:00 PM

UPDATE: I recall doing this exact thing before. What am I thinking of? Geoff or Will, I'm looking in your direction.

UPDATE 2: It was the "in my pants" thing. Thanks Will.

I had to do this because everyone else did. Basically you go down a list of questions and fill in the answer as the next randomed song in your media player. Mine came out surprisingly well, considering how stupid I think this is.

In bold are the most accurate/funny ones:

Where do you live: every day is exactly the same
Describe your first love: roads
What is your favourite thing to do: imaginary love
Describe your current love/crush: the happiest days of our lives
What do you like to wear: anywhere
What is your challenge: borderline case
Who are your friends: girl anachronism
Describe how you look: the line begins to blur
What did you do last night: outskirts of time
What is your goal in life: furious angels
What do you do when you're angry: hey you
When do you have sex: stop crying your heart out
How do you want to die: punch up at a wedding
What do you say to your parents: asuka strikes!
Where do you hang out: the last firstborn
What do you think of society: NERV
Describe your most recent heartbreak: screecher
What is your excuse for everything: telltale crime
What are your thoughts on a Friday evening: still d.r.e.
What is your unanswered question about life: loser
What is your favourite colour: deceptacon
What is your advice to the those less experienced: suck
What would you rather do right now: tainted love
Describe your best friend: the great below
What's under your bed: redefine
What is your most prized possession: stay with me
Where will you honeymoon: kinda i want to
What is on your to-do list: foolish games
Where would you rather be: mother (eww)

That one with "Suck" is the best, by far.

1 comments -- Posted at 1:31:00 PM

Bjork - Unravel

0 comments -- Posted at 1:58:00 PM

I have all the free time in the world and nothing to do with it. I have all of the allotted, used, necessary time in the world and want nothing to do with it. I feel like the fucking Omega Man.

The only way I meet people is through quiet observation of them. It fails half the time. I don't have the patience for that shit anymore. Anytime anyone says anything I just want to turn around and yell "no one gives a shit." I feel like the world is focused on me to do something significant and if I make the slightest mistake everyone will stop what they're doing and chastise me for it. And so I don't do anything, because I want to be different, because I don't want to be different. And everyone else in the world shares the same sentiment.

It's frustrating.

When I get kicked out of school, I'll shrug it off. When my parents die, I'll lament "oh, that's too bad." When I lose my best friends, I'll chalk it up to what was meant to be. I'm continually betrayed by irony, fate, and myself.

The second worst part is, I planned this entire entry on my way back from Art History class, including this.

The worst part is, I forgot most of it as I sat down to my computer.

Something is very seriously wrong with me.

1 comments -- Posted at 1:54:00 PM

I thought you would all be able to take care of yourselves. I thought you were smart enough not to do stupid shit that is unhealthy and needless. I thought that was why I was friends with you all. And I'm not a fucking prude. I'm just elitist and judgmental. I don't mind being by myself if no one is smart enough to save themselves. You're all you have, and you're fucking it up. Maybe you're just being melodramatic for attention. I was willing to give you attention but now you've blown it. Not that you cared about my opinion anyway.

I live for myself, and for self-continuation. Not for success. Not for a good time. Not for happiness.

Just for the opportunity.

0 comments -- Posted at 3:03:00 AM