Computer science is too utilititarian, too plebeian, too prole. I want something more. God damn it.
I'm considering no longer acknowledging the title "computer science genius" (THOUGH IT IS STILL APPLICABLE OF COURSE).
I want to write lofty and pretentious things. Damn it. At the same time I'm avoidant toward expressing my thoughts and trying, because people WILL label me as pretentious, overbearing (already happened), and, the worst, unoriginal. That's the real kicker. It's a real tough duality.
More on this later.
WHOO
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On another note...
If:
* you consider yourself intelligent, introspective, and conflicted, and
* you are looking for new media to consume, or think anime is worthless, and
* you believe being unique causes pain as it renders you inable to relate to others on any level other than a primarily superficial one, and
* you wonder whether or not freedom of choice and self is surrenderable in order to alleviate pain and simplify living,
then let me know. I have something for you. (You probably know what it is.)
Let the sarcastic comments commence.
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Also, I've had the wrong definition of "bourgeois" in my mind for a while now (not completely wrong, just a little off-base). Looks like the things I previously labeled as "bourgeois" are just INANE. Whoops.
I'm way too interested in my own thoughts to be pretentious, and way too self-deprecating to be narcissistic. Shut up. Everyone. Oh god the voices.
It should be noted that I barely ever appeal to what other people think when I write in this thing. I don't care what you think. God damn.
I've never felt clearer mentally. And that means I've never felt more self-destructive.
I'm basically Jean-Paul Sartre reincarnated.
This rocks.
Dear Nelson Mandela,
I am a wanderer of morality. Constantly changing my opinions, I am wavering in my adamancy and am as predictable as the most random of things. Perhaps I respect you for our differences, as I am a veritable hermit, and could never do something great and justified for the people if it interfered with my own self-interests. I am cynical to a fault, and am too corrupted to see through the veil of evil that covers most. Rather than penetrating this, I tend to shroud my ignorance in outlandish comments and eccentric observations. I fear becoming that which I hate, but I fear even more than my fear has become reality.
Perhaps the world around me is the bane of my existence. Beneath this hollow shell of a persona I portray lies a macabre, demented soul full of angst and thought, ever spiraling deeper into darkness. When I peruse my surroundings, I see only those few things that cause our world to be a swirling torrent of corruption, and I have become corrupted for it. This is the primary focus of my personality, and I cover it up in sarcasm and eccentricities.
There are many things I ponder, such as the origin of our homestead, the Earth. There are no absolutes in the field of science, and scholars commonly contradict themselves. However, I believe in the Big Bang Theory, as it seems the most applicable and the least paradoxical. My one wish is to achieve a higher level of understanding so that I may put an end to this cycle of never-ending contradiction in my mind. I believe I am crippled in this aspect, as the origin of the universe ricochets clearly off the walls of my mind incessantly, wishing to be finally solved. This one theory is the closest I have been, and I fear it may stay this way.
I know not why I write this letter to you on this day; perhaps it was a manifestation of my own inner-desires to clearly describe myself. However selfish this may be, I feel that my desires, for all intents and purposes, have been fulfilled. I thank you for your time.
Of respect and admiration,
Troy PottsI am awesome beyond words.
The best things in this world are the people you hate.
Thank God that Jack Bauer stopped eon8 before it could destroy us all. God bless you, Jack Bauer.